Million Mass Murderer March To Take Place in Washington, D.C.


In the wake of the Republicans ability to defeat gun legislation that would have made it harder for criminals, crazy people and mass murderers to acquire weaponry in order to do their evil bidding, mass murder groups around the country are marching on the Nation’s Capital this Saturday to thank those in office for making their jobs easier.

John Hennex, an unemployed plumber from Hibbing, MN (a quiet man who keeps to himself, according to his neighbors), shared with us the general feeling behind this march.

“People don’t understand what it’s like having to figure out how to buy bulk ammo on the internet or drive to gun shows to acquire assault-style rifles, all while having to deal with the voices in your head that are constantly telling you to do this or that. The Republicans pulling together this way, even though over 90% of this country wanted background checks, it was a real shot in the arm for the small percentage of us who are already finding life to be one obstacle after another.” 

According to various news outlets, the original idea sprang up on twitter as various murderers, or soon to be murderers, began tweeting their relief that an entire political party had voted against the American people, to make sure people like them were not thwarted from acquiring weapons that would allow them to kill as many people as possible in a short amount of time. Within days, Facebook pages like I May Be A Killer But I Have Feelings Too, He Seemed Like Such A Nice Boy, and one called The Official Unofficial Non-Justin Bieber Fan Page – have become social media gathering spots for the mentally unstable and moderately-to-extremely deranged who are now quite happy to know they are not alone.

The National Park Service, who is in charge of events on the Mall,  say they are expecting anywhere from a million to two million attendees. When asked if having so many murderers, or soon to be murderers, gathered in one place was going to be an issue, we were told that as long as they didn’t cause any problems, stayed within the marked areas and cleaned up their litter – this should be no different from any other gathering of Americans who choose to enjoy their freedom to assemble.

In a strange turn of events, that same weekend, the NRA is holding its largest gun show to date in the downtown D.C. area.  A spokesperson for the National Rifle Association said there is no connection and it was merely a coincidence.

 

S. Bernstein is the creator of stuff, which can be seen at www.TheMessyGlory.com

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